It has been four years since you passed, yet I still have moments where I have the desire to pick up the phone and give you a call because I haven’t heard from you lately.
- I want to tell you how nerve wracking yet exciting it is to watch Logan pitch.
- I want to tell you how funny it is to see London run down the soccer field while waving and giving me a thumbs up, completely ignorant of the soccer game she is supposedly involved in.
- I want to tell you how Leyton is still not sleeping through the night, how tired he has made Stac and I (I now understand why Mt. Dew is necessary in the morning), and how smiley, talkative, and generally happy he is after a downright challenging start.
- I want to post new pictures and new videos of the kids and get an immediate response indicating that you can’t stop looking at the pictures and watching the videos.
- I want you to say how much Logan reminds you of me now that he isn’t carrying around five pounds of hair.
- I want you to see Logan catch a 24-inch walleye, northern pike, and bass and come home to tell me that we have to get a boat like tomorrow.
- I want to tell you that Leyton giggles hysterically for some reason every time I pull up his arm up to get him dressed.
- I want to tell you about all of the wonderfully insightful things London says on a daily basis.
- I want to call up and just complain about how our van is rusting, how our grill is rusting, how the driveway is breaking apart, how the paint is coming off the porch, how we woke up and realized we had no hot water this morning, and how the out of pocket costs associated with having Leyton increased 30 fold over Logan.
- I want you to call up and say you think your computer is almost out of space only to have me look at it and realize you’ve only used 3% of your hard drive capacity.
- I want you to look at Leyton’s feet and pudgy legs and say how I looked just like that.
- I want you to see Dad, Mikey, Logan and myself all tee off for a round of golf.
- I want you to call up and ask if there are any treats you could bring to Logan’s birthday party.
- I want to tell you that after watching Logan mow the yard for the first time, Dad must have been really nervous every time we called him up at work and told him that we mowed the yard for him.
- I want to say thanks for prodding me to ask out that girl from Video Mania that kept coming in and talking to me for hours at a time. You were obviously right that she was the perfect fit. Stac may not have been all that similar to you, but together we produced a daughter that is very much like you. I wish London had a chance to spend more time with you.
Most of all, I just want to let you know that there are now a few days on which I finally have an answer other than “Fine” to your daily “How was your day” question and an answer other than “Nothing” to your daily “Did you learn anything” question from back in high school.
There are now a few times each year where my day was “Not so fine” and I learned that “I still really, really miss you.”
1 comment:
I think of Nancy almost every day. She taught me so much. When I was upset, she calmed me. When I was frazzled with the newest technology at school, she sat by me and helped me. She listened to my stories and complaints and added her tidbits of wisdom. She loved my nearly unlovable son and she kept telling me, "They get nicer after 40". I STILL fully expect to see her coming around the corner at school. She is very missed by so many on the staff at West Lyon. She was so important to us. My mama has been gone 6 years and there are days, very similar to yours. I had myself a little cry last night, missing her so. I want her to see my grandbabies and celebrate with me on their births and their birthdays. Moms are so special. I hope my children love me as much, and yet....I have often called it "the curse of loving someone so much"....letting them go is so very difficult. Blessings to you and yours as you trudge ahead on this journey without your mama by your side. I truely do know how you feel and I know how hard it is and I know it lasts a long long time. I will say it does get easier with time, but the missing is still there. I just don't break down in a heap of tears now...just missing her always.
Post a Comment