Reflection

The New Year...Although it holds very little glitz or glamour for me, I do like to look back on a year past and peer into the future. What changes would I make? Which things will I do differently?

 You can't change other people's actions, you can only control your re-action. 

It's easy to let loose and scream sometimes. There are moments where the words are flying out of my mouth so fast and haphazardly that my head spins (and my children might even attest to steam coming out of my ears!). Generally, these are the moments I regret the most, especially as a mother. We've all been there. Life is just hard sometimes, sleep is in short demand, patience is limited and we say and do things we don't intend. We unnecessarily hurt feelings. We place blame where it doesn't belong. In the aftermath, I always wish I would have done things differently--taken a step back, counted to ten (or sometimes 100), and kept my reaction to myself. I can't control Logan's lost homework, or London's broken craft project, or Leyton's teething pain. That pot of water will boil over when I walk away to let the dog outside. London will spill her milk. Logan will get frustrated with his younger siblings. Leyton does need lots and lots of attention. The dog will continue to shed massive amounts of hair no matter how often or how much I vacuum. These things are givens, but how I react to them is not.

"No one will remember what you said, no one will remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel."

I'm your typical self-centered first-born. I 'm not always sensitive to the feelings of others. I don't always put other's needs above my own. I tend to talk more than I listen. I'm emotionally distant at times. I remember a child describing his mother's love, he said, "She REALLY saw me. She always looked at me like I was the only one in the room. Her eyes lit up." It has been said that a child can tell the difference by how happy you are to see them by the look in your eye. It has nothing to do with a smile or tone of voice or hand gesture. It's as simple as your eyes...They can see straight into your heart. There will always be important lists and meetings and agendas. There will always dinners burning, laundry soaking, and water heaters bursting. The dog will always beckon to go outside the moment you sit down to eat your lukewarm dinner. And amidst it all, I hope my children, my husband, my neighbors, my friends, even my dog will someday say, "She REALLY saw me."....