My 16 Year Old Self

Logan was at the counter, finishing up homework. London, beside him, doing her favorite craft project. Music playing in the background. A jabbering, bouncing baby on my hip. The dog curled up in front of the fireplace.

The above describes a "moment" I had today. Time seemed to stand still. I stood back and took it all in. "Life is so, so good" I thought to myself. My cup runneth over.

During this moment, I wanted to tell my 16 year old self the true definition of happiness because "she" thinks happiness is a destination she will only reach by getting into the "right" college, or making the "right" amount of money, or driving her favorite foreign import. She has no idea how simple it really is. She has no idea that in a few years a moment like this will bring her to her knees in gratitude (and not just because it was so rare that the children were sitting beside each other and NOT fighting!).

I'd like to tell her how much her husband will adore her. How she really will stumble upon a true love story. I want her to know that he'll look at her at the strangest times and tell her she's beautiful (and she'll be wearing sweats and not one once of makeup. She may not have even showered that day). He'll know all her faults and not only love her despite them, but because of them. He'll tell her Garth Brooks song "She's Every Woman" was written with her in mind. He'll love her so much that it'll scare her.

And together, they will raise three beautiful children. She may question her faith, but I want her to know that she'll see God, she'll actually look Him in the eye, the moment each of her children are born. She's going to love to watch them sleep and grow and change. She's going to love playing Santa and baking cookies and wrapping presents. She will always stop what she's doing to watch her husband play with the kids. I want her to know that watching each baby achieve their "firsts" never gets old. When they roll over for the first time, she will cry.

Babies will change her body. She will no longer be the size 2 she once was, but surprisingly, she will learn to appreciate her new curves. She'll realize that some jeans just aren't worth giving up chocolate for and she'll be ok with that. Believe it or not, she won't find the "boyish" body of her past very attractive anymore.

Some day, she'll grow up and move away. Then she'll realize how much she likes her parents. It'll take some time, but she'll realize how much they loved her, how deeply they wanted the best for her, and everything they did was only with her best interest in mind. The most important thing I'd want to tell my 16 year old self is that after she has children of her own, she'll see her parents mistakes in a whole new light. She'll become a lot more forgiving when she sees how hard it really is to raise a child.

Most importantly, I'd like to tell her how happiness isn't a destination, but a state of being. A feeling of contentment. I want to tell her to stop looking in all the wrong places. Just breathe. Relax. She WILL get there.