I can't believe 2 months have passed since my last posting. I'm usually so overwhelmed with material that I don't even know where to begin. However, it's been a hectic last half of the year. Logan is more than ready for summer. He has been having some anxiety issues again, which we're trying with all our might to curtail. It's hard to watch your child suffer and not be able to help him, but we've increased his medication again and we're already seeing some improvements. We haven't had any panic attacks since last Tuesday night. I think I hear angels singing?!?!
London is enjoying the warmer weather. She loves the outdoors. In fact, she loves being outside SO much that she thrashes, screams, and kicks to come inside. It doesn't seem to matter how many warnings I give her (such as "Five more minutes, London, and we'll be leaving the park."), she can still manage to shock and surprise me with the amount of spunk in her small, little body! Talk about paybacks!!!
My mom took the kids a couple of weekends ago, so Brad and I had the house to ourselves for a few days. I can't even describe how nice it was to have a break, especially amid Logan's challenges. We needed the time. And the one thing that always amazes me during these infrequent breaks we get from children is how I always think the grass must be greener on the other side. Like those who don't have children are so lucky to have boundless energy from all the sleep they are getting and endless time to complete tasks and clean their house and watch movies. They get to eat out because a)they have extra income and b)they don't have to find and then hire a competent babysitter and c). A simple dinner and movie doesn't cost them $150 between babysitter pay, movie entrance and dinner plus a tip!
Yes, I rediscovered how much I truly DO love Brad and it helps to remember why we're together to begin with--Because we REALLY enjoy each other and get along fabulously! However, by the end of the 4 days, I was no longer envious of those who don't have children. I really missed mine. I really miss the endless, monotonous routine and smell of sleep on their skin and bubbles during bath time and the last minute kisses and early morning cuddles.
Whenever we're stressed out by Logan's issues, I always question whether or not I should have been a mother. I ask myself, "Really? Do I have what it takes to raise these children?" I always feel like I got more instructions with my puppy. Then I realize that God doesn't make mistakes and he sent these children to me, including Logan, because he knew I was capable of not only raising them, but loving them. And after 4 days sans them, I know that not only was I meant to be a mother, but I was meant to be THEIR mother. And I truly, from the depths of my soul, cannot imagine life without them in it!
